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I am notoriously hard-headed. At least once a month, my mom has cause to repeat the saying “You’d argue with a signpost.” To which my usual smart-ass reply is “..a blank signpost… and I’d win.” I take pride in the fact that I think for myself and follow my own path. My opinions are not easily swayed, my beliefs are nearly impossible to change and once my mind is made up, it damn near takes an act of God to change my course and even then I may find my way back. LOL But recently, I have had cause to rethink my views about my own rock-solid stubbornness and I wanted to share that with y’all.

For the last couple of months, I have been dealing with the consequences of my own stubborn, hard-headed foolishness. Because I refused to listen to my doctor, my mother, or anyone else and by absolutely NO ONE else’s fault but my own, I became seriously ill for no good reason. All of it was totally avoidable had I just sat my hard-headed ass down somewhere, taken the medicine I was prescribed as it was prescribed and not just when I felt like taking it and listened to the medical advice that was given to me early on. My doctor said that I needed to be careful because just because I felt fine didn’t mean that I really was fine. But NO! In my mind, I knew everything I needed to know. I wouldn’t listen to what anyone else had to say about what my body needed or could handle.

I’ve had quite a bit of time to think about my ridiculous foolishness considering that I was physically unable to do anything besides lay in bed and sleep for the last few weeks. Doing much more than turning over or sitting up literally took all of my air and energy and (not to sound overly dramatic) but there were a few moments when I didn’t think I would recover. The inability to breath can quickly put a lot of shit into a brand freaking new perspective. There were several moments when I was laying in bed thinking to myself, that if I died like this, it would be completely my own stupid fault. Not only would it have been pointless, but my demise would also have been solely due to my own spite and stubbornness. My “I’m gonna do what I want anyway despite all of your warnings just to show you that I can.” attitude would have been the whole reason I would be gone and wouldn’t that be the worst part?!

This frighteningly sobering experience has changed me and perhaps that was the point of it. I will never again ignore it when my doctor and /or other people tell me that I need to take an illness seriously even if I am not feeling horrible. When others see signs that there is a problem and bring them to my attention, I won’t just shrug it off and keep going. When my body is telling me that it needs rest, I will listen regardless of what outside obligations there may be. After all, if I’m gone, the bills, the expectations of others, nor any other obligations would matter anyway.

I guess God said, “You gon learn today little girl!” LOL Message received and understood!!

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