Learning to accept the things I cannot change. I can’t change anyone’s opinion of me, how they feel about me, what they say/do, etc. I can’t make anyone do anything. I’m not going to change who I am just to try to change the opinion of someone else or vie for their affection/acceptance. I’m a worse critic of myself than anyone else could ever be so if I don’t think something about me needs to be changed it’s a rare and usually well thought out conclusion. People claw and scrape every day seeking acceptance of others and it never works until they find happiness with themselves. Well, I am sorry, but I have damaged myself enough with all that clawing.
This is how I see it: If you like me, great! If you don’t like me or something about me, that’s okay too, don’t be bothered with or by me but please just be honest about it, cause I’m gonna be honest with you. If there’s something I don’t like then I just go the other way. The sun will rise and set whether we are friends/lovers/associates or enemies/haters/non-factors so why waste the energy actively hating one another. I’m not going to try to change you or anything about you, I’m going to accept you for who and what you are, make the choice as to whether I want you in my space or not and then act accordingly. No drama, sometimes not even any discussion, because it’s not really about the other person, it’s about what I want (and have the right to choose) to deal/be associated with. Yea, it hurts when I find out that something about me is unpleasant to someone else or makes them not want to associate with me, I’m human too. But it hurts a lot more when they aren’t honest about it, continue to share time and space while hating behind my back, so I’d much rather have them walk away.
To me it’s the same as with tv shows or video games, if there’s something I don’t like, I change the channel or don’t play it but I don’t tell others that they can’t watch it or play it if they want to. I have my opinion, but I keep it to myself unless someone asks me for it and even then I usually preface it with a reminder that it’s just my opinion and the person asking should find out for themselves how they feel/think. After all, my opinion is based on my perception and interpretation of interactions. Someone else’s perception may be completely different.
At the end of the day, all that matters is that we do no unnecessary harm to ourselves or each other as we traverse this strange thing called life. So decide what is best for you, what you want to deal with and what you don’t, decide if a person is a good fit for what you want out of your life and move accordingly without trying to change who they are. Express your expectations and disappointments openly and honestly, without malice and allow the other person to decide if they want to be in your space as well.